


Painful Truths

by EarthCallingAlice



Series: Catching the Sunrise Series [31]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Guilt, M/M, No Sex, Open Relationships, Slash, Strained Relationships, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3733732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthCallingAlice/pseuds/EarthCallingAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt confronts Remy, confessions are made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Painful Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on October 28th, 2010 
> 
> Disclaimer: Marvel owns Nightcrawler, Gambit and Wolverine. I just play with them. But I put them back. Scouts honor!

`~`~`~`

Kurt could not get that dream out of his head no matter how hard he tried. There were days he could not look Logan in the eye. What’s more was that he caught himself looking at Remy intently more than once. Thank heavens Logan did not notice. He could not help it; he wanted to talk to Remy, ever since that night. He did not know what to feel. He loved Logan. He did. But things weren’t going well. At times, he felt like he was just sex on the side until Logan made a commitment to one of the various women he went through. Logan did not see it this way of course. Logan stressed on an open relationship and that he didn't mind it if Kurt had seen other people but he knew better. Logan was jealous though he tried to cover it up. He was more upset at Logan's dishonesty about his own feelings than him seeing other people. Though, that part did bother him he felt he could get past it if Logan hadn't been untruthful with so many things, another of which were these mysterious missions that he suspected were X-Men business.

This brought up some issues for Kurt feeling the X-Men did not take him seriously as a team member as well as incidents with former lovers. Kurt also felt guilty, as he was someone who wanted to commit to one person, partly from his religious faith. He couldn't help but think he was betraying him by being with another. But then two men together was something frowned upon as well and it didn't stop his relations with men. Kurt finally admitted to himself that it was more insecurity from his apparent mutancy. It was hard for Kurt to face that he wasn't quite over how he was and is still treated due to his looks. He didn't like being vulnerable.

Logan wasn’t always like this, though. But something in him changed. He was more cynical than ever, it seemed, and indecisive of what he wanted or who he was. It worried him tremendously as he came home at odd hours, sometimes away days at a time. Something was eating at him, but he would not discuss it. They used to be so close. _Used to be._ Kurt echoed sadly. This was plaguing him so much that he found himself haunting the school grounds late at night. Kurt tried to get lost in the beauty of the night, to concentrate on the noise of it’s inhabitants, crickets chirped and owls cooed. The air was crisp and cool. 

Kurt jumped as he heard a rustle of leaves and someone clear their throat. It was Remy. How fitting, Kurt thought. 

“Bonjour, Monsieur Wagner. Nice night, no?” Remy smiled.

“Scheisse. It is rude to interrupt a mans thoughts, Remy.” Kurt chided. He usually wasn’t so brusque but he wanted to be on guard around the mysterious Cajun.

Remy smiled, putting up his hands. “Sorry. Momma Gambit always did say I had no manners. Perhaps you can help me with dat?” Remy smiled as he pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes and tapped the box before opening it, putting it in his mouth and lighting it with a deep red lighter. 

Kurt felt himself becoming uncomfortable. The rogue mutant was teasing him. 

“Nein, thank you, but my schedule is full with teaching drama and all. And those pesky X-Men missions...” He allowed a small smile. 

“Ah. Right.” Remy shifted before crossing his arms, removing the cigarette between his lips and blowing out several rings of smoke. 

Kurt was quiet for several moments trying to think of the best way to broach the subject with the Cajun. “Remy. I wished to ask you something-”

“Thought so.” The auburn-headed mutant smiled smugly.

Kurt looked at him incredulously. “Was?”

“I caught you lookin' at me a couple of times.”

“Ja.” He bowed his head solemnly.

“If it’s love advice you want, den’ I got none for ya.” 

That struck a nerve, though he doubt it was intended. His relationships, with Logan especially, were a sore spot. 

“I had a dream,” Kurt ground out slowly as he was still staring at the ground. “You and me together… sexually.”

The young German definitely had the cocky mutants attention now. Remy gaped, “Say what, Wagner?” He almost dropped his cigarette. 

Kurt finally had the courage to look up,” You - you looked like someone else, someone I met at a bar, but I know it was you, Remy.” Kurt said accusingly. “Or should I call you Adrien?”

“But I thought - I mean, how could I-" Gambit took a deep breath. “Yeah, that was me at ‘The Box.’ This is more than strange, mon ami, since I had the same dream too.” Remy looked flushed but he put up a good front. He couldn’t ruin his reputation of keeping cool, after all. 

“I see, but how could it be. And why?” Kurt felt himself shiver. Remy saw this and he took off his coat and handed it to Kurt.

Kurt looked at the jacket, then Remy again. “What about you?”

“No worries. I’m still in costume. It’s pretty warm. Matter of fact I’m sweatin’.” He smiled. “But you are in a flimsy T-shirt.”

Kurt smiled appreciatively. “Danke.”

“No problem.”

Kurt shook his head as if trying to wake himself from a dream. “I still cannot believe this…”

Remy hummed a bit in thought before speaking.“Golgotha.”

Kurt blinked in confusion, “Was, again?”

“Dat’ must have been it. A mutant that takes a bodies worst fears and desires and distorts them, makes em’ real.”

“Remy, forgive me for being honest, but I have no “desires” towards you.” Kurt was partly lying as he did find Adrien attractive and had thought of Remy since that night but it was only a fraction of how he saw Logan. It wouldn't be fair to Remy or himself. 

“Maybe. But myself, that gets tricky don’t it?” Remy smiled mischievously. Remy was conflicted, he knew his attraction was mostly to do with his empathic abilities. He had absorbed some of Logan's desire at the bar. Logan's primal energies were so strong it was hard to block them out like he could most people when he tried. Remy, thought though, that Kurt was someone he could be with if things were different. He was fun and attractive and could enjoy the nightlife and more than that. 

Kurt swallowed. He wanted to ask where Remy had decided to take such interest in him. He was under the impression that Remy only tolerated him before they formed an uneasy but casual camaraderie. They were more acquaintances than friends. “I... remember reading the file on the incident.”

“This makes ya nervous, eh?” Remy laughed. Clearly amused by the situation. 

Kurt looked up. “I’m just having…” Remy was staring holes in him. _Mein Gott! That smile._

“…a hard time digesting all this. Lets just make one thing clear Remy; I think it’s best we keep our distance. I should port your head off for deceiving me.”

“I was just having some fun. No harm done.” Which was as true as it could be. Remy certainly didn't mean for it to get as far as it did. He was as swept up in this whole thing without his say so.

“No harm?” _How could he be so blasted calm about this?_ At this Kurt took off Remy’s jacket and gave it back. “Good evening, Herr Lebeau.”

“I wasn’t the only one affected...” The Cajun called after the furry mutant. 

Kurt stopped at this. He read that Logan was a part of that away mission. He sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m listening, Remy.” 

“It seems your hairy boyfriend wanted some southern comfort.” Remy felt partly guilty for this but something in him screamed for the truth. He wondered if he had absorbed some self-hatred on Logan's part.

Kurt turned around at this. A pained look etched on his indigo face. “You don’t mince words, Remy.” He then smiled bitterly. 

“Rogue and the lil’ fella kissed, but dat’s all.”

“If you wanted to hurt me, you’ve not succeeded. I will not condemn him for attraction. Besides, it was done under control through an outside force. Anna is an attractive woman.” And it was just a kiss, Kurt thought guiltily. A lot less than what he had done with Remy. 

“Dat she is. But how come I don’t think it’s as simple as that with you? You can’t tame that man. And I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt you.”

“As if you have the right to judge someone’s fidelity." Kurt felt angry at Gambits blunt honesty. He continues on his earlier thoughts of his and Remy's relationship. In fact, he could remember Remy's suspicions towards he himself in the past that he could never quite understand. It had caused some friction between them in the beginning. Remy seemed like someone who stirred suspicion in people at times and it made him wary. 

“True in the past. But I tried with Rogue.” Gambit wondered at his need to divulge this personal bit of info to Wagner. 

Kurt sighed. “I’m sorry, Remy. I did not mean to be so harsh.” Kurt felt contrite. Remy had proved himself. Wasn't that what mattered? He felt so confused. He had begun to lose his trust and faith in the X-Men and he should not take it out on Remy. 

“It’s alright… The way I see it, Monsieur Logan thinks everyone has all the time he does to decide on things. That’s part o’ the pain, no? You are hopin’ for a family.”

“You’re very perceptive.” Kurt looked up into the night sky, then back at Remy, the shimmering moonlight setting his reddish-brown hair aflame. If he did not know any better, Remy looked sympathetic. "Besides... my issues with Logan... well, it's more complex than that."

Remy suspected he knew what Kurt was alluding to. Quite a few of the X-men have been talking. "Ah, these secret X-Men missions you mean?"

Kurt had become exceedingly more interested at this and his posture became more alert. He walked closer to Remy. "What... what do you know about them?"

"Not a thing. It's just its become obvious at this point. No?" The Cajun mutant noted this and Kurt's sudden closeness. It made a part of him happy. He did not want Kurt to be uneasy around him. He had given him a hard time when they first met but even before the incident at 'The Box' he had come to respect him. 

Kurt didn't answer. He looked away. Remy felt a desire spring forth again. He couldn't get those dreams out of his mind. "Did it feel good? Us together?"

Kurt looked back up at this. "I - it was just a dream, Remy. Neither of us had much control."

"Dat didn't answer my question." The fire-eyed mutant put his cigarette to his lips again. 

Kurt gulped visibly, as much as he was trying not to show the effect Remy had on him. "You were there." 

"Fine. If you wont be honest. Then I will... it felt really good for me. It's never left my mind." He said the last bit quietly. Remy remembered being inside Kurt. He remembered how sensual Kurt was. How he looked. How he sounded. 

“Remy...” Kurt said in a warning tone, but didn’t leave. He felt himself getting hard, to his dismay. Despite his feelings for Logan he did feel some connection. And the sexual aspect had been satisfying. 

Remy leaned in and spoke huskily in Kurt's ear. “I would love to feel that again." 

Kurt began to shake. He felt his throat tighten. He wanted away from this place, this longing deep inside him that is destroying every last bit of his being. But he couldn’t. For better or worse, these people were his family. But at times he wished he never returned from Scotland. 

As he finished that thought, he felt warm wet lips touch his, he felt himself giving in. Remy tasted of beer and tobacco, and something sweet as his mouth was explored with a slow, thorough tongue. He then felt clever fingers explore under his t-shirt and stroke his fur. Kurt gasped as they broke the kiss. 

“Soft.” The Cajun chuckled. “See? You're enjoyin’ yourself. I know you enjoyed yourself dat night. Why else would you be so frightened?” 

The elfin mutant raised an eyebrow. “Frightened?”

“Yeah.” Remy's hand was still on his waist. His fingers almost burned into his skin. 

“Remy.” Kurt would love to just let go but more out of spite than anything else, and that was wrong. It wouldn't be fair to Remy. He deserved better. They both did. He’d be lying though, if he said he wasn’t attracted to Remy or that he wasn't someone that he could see himself with. In some ways he reminded him of Logan. If it weren’t for Logan he would probably take him up on his offer. 

“Come on. Why fight it? Does he really deserve such loyalty?” 

Kurt sighed as he removed Remy’s hand from his waist. “I’m... I'm sorry.”

With that, Kurt walked away, leaving Remy alone with his thoughts. Remy just stood their in silence and cursed his gifts not the first time in his life. Surely gifts would not bring so much pain and confusion.

`~`~`~`

Kurt entered the darkened kitchen and turned on the overhead light, he winced at the brightness. _Gott, I feel so old._ Kurt sighed as he heard a familiar motorcycle pulling up the driveway as he slowly walked over to the cabinets and opened one, and reached inside for a bottle of old scotch he kept. The blue mutant pulled out a glass next to it and poured in a small amount of the dark amber liquid. He gulped it down and “ahhed’ at the fiery liquid coating his throat. _How can I face him? Is this what we are now? A lie?_ He soon heard the front door open, booted footsteps clacking on wood, then another door swung open with a squeak until, finally, strong burly arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him back against a hard, muscled chest.

“Hey, Darlin.’”

“Hello, Lieb.” Kurt smiled, but if Logan could see his face he would see sadness there. 

“Mmm. Missed you.”

“Me too.” Kurt swallowed. Then he felt the older mutant cupping his genitals behind the denim. “Logan…”

“Are you achin’ just us much as me?”

Kurt frowned. “More.”

“Then let’s do somethin’ about it, huh?”

Kurt closed his eyes before turning around and putting on his most winning smile. “Lead the way, Mein Schatz.”

`~`~`~`


End file.
